I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
