Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
