Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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