I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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