Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
