it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
