i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
