My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
