everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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