I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
