Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
