my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
