At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
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my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
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Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I don't deserve a penis
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
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