I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Randomize
