I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
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Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
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You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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