I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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