Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Randomize
