my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
