I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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