my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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