Betty ford says i'm here all night
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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