I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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