got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I'm always down for nudity.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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