can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
