Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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