I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
