Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
