Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
