After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
