fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
