do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He? As in you personified your dick?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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