You smell like a Billy Joel song
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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