Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
