somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
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