Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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