If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
