I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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