I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
