She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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