hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Randomize
