First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
