my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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