just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
