my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
