I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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