Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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