did you get engaged???
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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