um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
