You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
