Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
