I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
