i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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