I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
