I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
