What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
it's like heaven, but drunker
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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