i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
3 2 1 whiskey
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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