Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
