My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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