I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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