Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize