dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
