This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
