Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
